Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
