census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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