Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
