Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
