I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
