i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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