thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
