im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
