Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
