Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
