i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
