We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize