ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
