he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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