I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
