she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize