I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
