you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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