Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Randomize
