I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
