stop calling my apartment porn island.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
