i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
