fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
