I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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