happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
