Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
