At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
