Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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