The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
