I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
