you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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