chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
