I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Soap is not a condiment
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
