I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
