She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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