need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
