I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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