Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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