He had one of those small greek statue penises
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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