how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
