Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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