For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
