I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
