we're chasing vodka with high fives
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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