I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
