no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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