i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
