I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
