I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
