Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
