the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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