3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize