Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
