Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
