gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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