Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
