One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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