She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
