but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
