either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
