so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
