Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize