She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
