My room smells like vodka and shame
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
