Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
