we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
