Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Randomize
