I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
