im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
