Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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