He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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